My Near-Death Experience (NDE)
Immediately after the crash, having no conscious awareness of what had happened, I felt myself expanding and hovering in white, shimmering, soft surroundings. The stillness was magnificent. Tranquil, perfect, and enveloping as only true silence can be. I felt peace as I have never felt before. Intact, complete, and whole. All the noise disappeared. Beautiful waves of soft white light were moving delicately around. Soft love was covering me, sliding by my luminous skin, bubbling into my being, reminding me what we are all made of.
So much beauty. So many alternatives and choices. So much LOVE.
It was barely a few minutes in earthly time until I crashed back into my body. It felt like days. I saw so many dimensions of our world, earthly and others. Some heartwarming, some full of joy, some sad. So much beauty. So many alternatives and choices. All the while, I was floating in the acceptance of being perfect just as I am. I gradually recognized, within my being, within my skin, that the light bubbling into me was bringing love. Was love. Until I remembered that I was love myself.
It did not feel as if the option of staying in this serene, beautiful place, meaning not coming back to my body, my family, earth, was even an alternative.
Then, it was my time to return. It did not feel as if I had the option of staying in this serene, beautiful place, meaning not coming back to my body, my family, Earth, was even a possibility. I was not asked or given a choice; I was to return immediately, and in the next second, I was floating backward, feeling as though I was weightily pulled down, and I crashed back into my own physical body.
Near Death Experiences
Near-Death Experience (NDE). Only after my experience did I learn how common this phenomenon is. To an extent, it seems that many of us have some kind of transcendent experience: near-death experiences, out-of-body experiences, dreams, powerful meditations, knowings, or profound and unexpected intuitions about something that comes trues and leaves us speechless.
Spirit, God, the Universe, or any other name you choose to give to the greater force around us, seems to try to awaken us to ourselves. There are numerous ways, signs, and opportunities it offers us. We have to notice, acknowledge, and then ask: what is the invitation it offers?
The invitation of NDEs and other transcendent experiences.
In my shamanic circles, many (not all) refer to NDEs as an initiation. I have always struggled with this categorization. The term initiation indicates that you are now able/trained/knowledgeable at doing something you were not ready for before. Often, something you prepared and trained for, for years.
Other types of initiations mark a moment of a shift or transformation from one form of ourselves to another. But for this to happen, the initiation is not enough. We are invited to choose to nourish the seed that was given to us, or that suddenly woke and wants to sprout. This makes it an invitation.
My NDE opened many doors to other dimensions. But walking through them, exploring, and learning how to be a vessel to mediate healing and knowledge to others did not come because of the NDE. It came because I made a choice to say YES to learning. Learning who I am, who we all are, and thus, discovering tools that we are offered for my own healing, and with which to guide others.
The moment of transcendence is a moment. Or maybe a few. Possibly, depending on one’s experience, a few weeks. If we don’t show up for the invitation it offers, it remains a story or an unanswered call.
The invitation: Remembering who we are
For me, it’s been over 12 years now. The question of the invitation returns often. It is a repeated choice. A choice between the known and the comfortable and growing and showing up. Usually, with a lot of unknown within these choices. This website—my little space here—is such an unknown choice that I still find myself repeatedly asking about its purpose and then changing it. It was not my dream or something I ever wanted. Yet, here we are, with many articles and resources that help others. It happened because I said YES to the invitation. Stepping out of my comfort zone.
The most profound gift of NDEs and other experiences is the memory of who we are. A knowing, not a belief, that we are more than our physical being. A knowing that has implications for every moment and the small choices of our days.
For example, if we are more than our physical body, then our physical body is indeed a vessel, and we need to care for it not so that we look good (according to changing social perceptions) but so that it can carry us in our mission here.
If we are more than our physical body, we may ask: why am I here? And we may realize that there is a reason for this. We may not always be able to easily know the reason. But we will walk with the knowing that there is one. A reason that may reveal itself as we surrender to our journey.
When we realize we are more than the physical and that we are on a journey, then this same understanding becomes true for our children. Parenting takes on a whole different outlook when we accept that they are on a journey. Their journey. This understanding affects our roles as parents. It clarifies what is important and what may be less crucial. It becomes the compass for our choices.
Decision-Making after NDEs
Decision making after any near-death experience, or even an encounter with death, is deeply affected when we realize our limited time on Earth. For years I walked and made decisions based on the premise that something could happen tomorrow to myself or my loved ones. Meaning I always make sure (I still do, but am less stressed about it now :)) that my loved ones know I love them.
It becomes a dance between deciding for today only and the willingness to say YES to greater invitations. Ones whose unfolding we don’t yet know. Ones that require a long journey. This website is such an example. So are the two books I am working on.
Read more about my journey HERE and in Notes I (wish) I wrote to myself
An interview with me about my NDE
In January 2021, Shaman, Teacher, and Author – Karen Johnson interviewed me. Most of our conversation was about my NDE and its long-term effects on life and parenting. You can find it here.
