More and more children and families walk with a hunch, a sense, and often a clear knowing that their child, and sometimes more than one of their children, tunes into other people’s emotions.
Tuning into other people’s emotions can range from a sense to unexplained overwhelm or shutdown, or it can involve reading, tracking, and actually just collecting information.
Let’s look at two examples.
Example 1:
Tammy is three years old, and to her mother’s surprise, loves to join her and her sisters as they chat and share. Instead of playing with her cousins, she joins the women, listening attentively with an expression that seems much wiser than her age. Her mom wonders about it. What is she picking up on?
In her three year old verbal and facial communication, it seems she’s learning to read emotional expressions. She then often brings it into her play, shifting and as if exploring how to apply it.
Her mom isn’t sure whether that’s okay or normal that she joins and observe, or if she should discourage it.
Example 2:
Lily is twelve, a highly sensitive child who is routinely overwhelmed.
Many highly sensitive people are also empathic, intuitive, and/or spiritually aware. These qualities often come together, but not always.
Narrowing the triggers, the what and when, is always a necessary starting point.
Following some conversations with Lily’s parents, they started observing what was happening, when, and with whom.
They realized Lily’s overwhelm was more intense around very specific people, and not just any folks, but ones they met often who had many unresolved issues.
They shared that the length of the meeting affected Lily’s ability to recover and catch her breath, and that meeting outdoors was significantly better.
They also noticed that meeting in the houses, the space of those others, depleted Lily. While if those others came to them, Lily did not like it, was overwhelmed and tired afterward. Yet she was better able to handle the whole situation and also had the possibility to retreat to her own space.
Overwhelm…
Any situation that throws our child or children into overwhelm invites observation. Before asking why my child is overwhelmed or assuming it’s the absorption of emotions, narrowing your when and what the triggers are is needed.
These observations bring clarity to whether it’s the environment and its energy, specific situations such as whether their teacher is aligned or respectful, the energy of others, or others’ emotions and thoughts, to name a few.
Differences in children’s reactions across environments, such as crowded indoor spaces, outdoor settings, or homes with different levels of energetic flow, may point to a child’s sensitivity to energy.
Dropping into overwhelm reflected in emotions or thought patterns that resemble those of the people you are with now or have recently spent time with, points to an empathic over ability to absorb others’ emotions.
Note that for the sake of understanding, we are separating energy sensitivity from sensitivity to others’ emotions. These often come together.
Here is a guiding question to walk with.
Start with observing yourself, the when, the where, the who with.
Notice also how your starting point, including whether you slept well the night before, how full your day was, what you ate, and other personal factors affects your own sensitivity.
Observing yourself will help you focus on what to observe in your child.
Your child chose you and trusted you for a reason.
Observing the interweaving between you and them will greatly help in observing their
WHEN, WHERE, and WHO.
Returning to the example…
Remember Tammy, the three year old learning from the emotions of others. She is mimicking, obviously with an interest in learning human expressions. This is not an absorption of others’ emotions.
If she shows signs of being tired or confused, adopts these emotions in unaligned situations, or carries them longer than her exploration in play, making them hers, then further observation may be needed.
Lily was absorbing emotions. I stress the was. Following her parents’ observations, they intentionally changed some lifestyle aspects and adjusted how and when they met those others who seemed to affect Lily more.
Lily is highly sensitive. That is part of her gift.
However, intentional living choices can reduce the intensity and occurrence of her overwhelm.
Interested in learning more?
Check out the Stepping Into Spiritually Aware Parenting Free Parent Guide – A roadmap to various content pieces and ways to deepen.
All examples shared in this post/episode or throughout my website and writing are intentionally general and, to protect my clients’ privacy, are always based on multiple cases, not specific ones.
