Inside this post: Questions we should ask about listening or being attentive. Paying attention to what our children tell us and being observant of their needs.
Being attentive and listening to the subtleties of the words, behaviors, frustration, or joy our children express is key for setting intentions in our parenting.
When taking the approach of spiritually aware parenting, we try to raise our children to be conscious of themselves as spiritual beings on a journey.
How much do we know?
We know only a little.
Their journey is a secret they keep to themselves, just as we keep ours to ourselves, so knowing what they are up to remains a riddle.
That’s where being attentive and listening comes into play.
Yet, we can be attentive to our children’s needs and requests on their journey only after we learn to give ourselves this same grace of listening. And then also respecting what we hear ourselves express.
Are we tired? Do we need to change something in our diet, even if just for today? Will spending time with specific friends or family over the weekend energize or deplete us from the little energy we have? Do we trust our own knowing for ourselves?
So many families I am honored to work with start with a whirlpool of mixed needs, wants, and confusion. Clarity can enter this complex family interweaving only when at least one member can take a step back and acknowledge the effects of the interweaving on themselves or others.
It is the awareness of dust. Cleaning it is easy, but you have to notice it first.
Unless we can observe our own needs, any observation of our children’s needs will be partial or biased based on the lacks and wounds we carry.
Observing and paying attention is a skill everyone can acquire. It requires tools and persistence. It is beautiful to observe the subtle changes taking place as soon as we open up to this simple idea and practice.
How do you take your listening skills to the next level?
We each start where we are. We all carry stories and wounds, and any self-judgment should be put aside to be dealt with constructively.
If you can journal through this process, you can monitor your Ah Ha! moments and see the dots connect. However, while journaling is very powerful, it’s not a must. Even taking five minutes a day and giving this theme of listening and observing some attention while driving to the grocery store, to work, or to pick up your kids from school can create the ripple we all look for.
Ask yourself:
What are my needs today?
What will make me happy?
What can I do for myself today to boost my energy? To nourish me?
Then, ask these same three questions about your children:
What does ______ need today?
What will make _____ happy?
What can I do today to nourish ______?
The answers are never about buying anything or any external benefits. Explore simple resolutions. For example, take a bottle of water with you to ensure you drink enough. Make your coffee weaker, add a salad to dinner, lie on the carpet together for five minutes, or count ten deep breaths, allowing your body to release some of its tension.
Our understanding of our children should also not be complex. In most cases, listening (genuinely listening, not having our thoughts anywhere else) to what happened to them during their day, who they met, or what the teacher said makes the greatest difference—adding two or three questions and learning to converse. We can also share something that we experienced, establishing the foundations for mutual sharing.
Gazing together at the clouds has the same healing effect. Offering to make yourself and them a cup of tea.
Going deeper
I wish we could skip the simple step of observing and noticing, but in my experience, it does not work for most.
As we open our awareness to our needs, intentions, and nourishment, and in parallel, we listen and respect what we know for ourselves (intuition, heart-knowing, gut feelings…), we can start thinking and feeling what we need not only in our day to day, or life stage, but in terms of our soul’s journey. Where is it that we are headed? What can support us on our journey? Changes? Guidance? Tools? What steps are we willing to take?
And as we walk with a family, our children, these above questions invite listening not only to our personal answers but also to those of each individual we walk with, regardless of their age (even babies are enormously evolved souls).
We listen to one child. We listen to our second (and third or fourth), together with listening to ourselves. If we truly listen, it always aligns.
A note about age and listening
The younger our children are, the easier it is to align. Sorry to say, although many of us hope that it gets easier as they grow up, it’s not necessarily so. Younger children offer us many gifts and invite us to connect to who we are, nature, and Spirit. When we listen to these invitations, it is a door to walk through on our journey.
As our children grow, becoming teens with their own desires, perceptions, and conviction that they know what’s best, the invitation to listen and be attentive is challenged, together with the growing variety of possible resolutions and their ability to discover many of these resolutions that may not be in line with what we, their parents, think is best.
These are healthy processes IF they have the tools to distinguish, discern, and be attentive to their own journey.
Our own attentiveness is the best example we can set.
Learn about my journey, and the insights it offers to parents in The Promise We Made: Three Universal Soul Promises We Made to Our Children 🙂
